Godmama Says…
a buncha stuff.

a nice day

This morning our electricity got cut off.

That’s one of those things that just isn’t supposed to really happen beyond a certain point in your life.  When it does, you kinda wanna walk around all day with that “somethin’ stinks” scowl on your face.  You want to go down the list of all the things that are unfair and fucked up in your life and wallow in clearly justified anger about it for a while.  When Adam and I tried to piece together the past 2 months history of bill paying and couldn’t immediately figure it out, I was momentarily worried there may be some kind of blame throwing argument in store for us at some point.  There wasn’t.  We took care of each other even in our angry frustration at the big bad electric company.   Not only that, but not having our respective computers to disappear into caused us to sit together and …what’s that called? oh yeah… TALK for a while.  We even played Scrabble!   We had a date, at 2pm on a Wednesday, cuz the power was off.

Losing electricity is a weird unsettling feeling,  but then again the pictures and news from Haiti is still haunting me enough that I felt guilty being “unsettled” by some BS like temporary loss of internet and central heating.  Yes, our bills are too high and money is tight and I’m sick as shit of being broke and having assorted rugs yanked out from under me due to lack of green… but  today I’m feeling blessed and lucky and loved.

I’m feeling that way, because that’s exactly what I am.

Before I even got out of bed this morning,  I woke up because Adam was watching over me.  I have been having pretty intense nightmares consistently for the past couple weeks, and last night he woke up to find me fretting in my sleep.  So he watched over me… not annoyed that I had disturbed him with my sleep-fussing… just calmly shining on me.  Loving at me.  Protecting me with nothing other than his pure desire to protect.  Shielding me completely from my need to be shielded.  I don’t know that I have ever felt anything like that before, from anyone or anything.  It stayed with me all day.  I had extra Shine in me.  I laughed more at work today than I have in a long time.  Our power had gotten turned off,  I had to go back to work after two days off,  it was grey and gloomy outside,  AND it’s the first day of my period (trying to have a baby–so that one hits me hard these days–but that’s another blog)… but I was bouncing around the sky like fireworks all day long.

Later in the evening while I was still working,  Adam and a friend of ours were having a meaningful conversation with each other about things like starting businesses and planning real futures for themselves.  Big plans and business cards and networking and finding their true paths were the topics.  It is precisely a topic I wish with my whole self I had something important to add to, but when I joined in the conversation almost immediately devolved into talk of kittens.  Kittens.

This is the kind of thing that wanted to bum me out for a minute. “I wanna have big plans and exciting shit going on in my life, too!” part of me wanted to whine.  But I just couldn’t wipe the smile off my soul for long enough to do it.  Besides…kittens are cool.

Not saying that everything is roses, but it sure feels good to be able to smell them sometimes.

It was a nice day.


4 Responses to “a nice day”

  1. I love our love.

  2. I’m glad you’re keeping your spirits up. Good luck with the light company. Want me to make you a corn dolly?

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