Godmama Says…
a buncha stuff.

Holy Crap — the 3 day cleanse

Day One of a three day fast.

Nothing but liquids for me until Wednesday.  I have a delicious tonic given to me by Medicine Man to drink for breakfast and dinner,  otherwise it’s nothing but water and tea.  Oh, and by “delicious” I mean nasty as hell.  It’s like fermented flaming asswater.   Mmmm-MMM!   If how bad something tastes could really be a gauge for how good for you it is, then this shit would make me instantly immortal.   I do get to binge and have vegetable juice for lunch.   (Edit:  and SPIRULINA. Lots of it.  Do not fast without it!!!)

I made it through Day 1 even though I had to work, and this isn’t the sort of thing you want to expend energy while attempting.  Especially when you work customer service…and it’s FOOD that you are serving.  So today was draining.  Little annoyances are big annoyances when there is no gas in your tank.  I just want to be still and quiet.  And close to the potty.

I did get a hula hoop today.  It came to me actually.  Medicine Man said yesterday in an email that hula hooping would be a good pelvic exercise to be doing during the fast.   A dear friend of mine makes hula hoops.   She lives in Dallas, though, and  I haven’t seen her in at least 2 years.  First day of my fast, she  happens to be in town at a hula hoop seminar?  Yes.   She also was “inspired” to bring an extra one along on her trip to give to me today.   So now I have a custom-made glow in the dark hula hoop.  I just danced around outside with it about an hour ago, with the last bits of energy I have left for the day.   Did some prescribed chanting, burned some sage and meditated with a candle in lieu of dinner,  then hula hooped for dessert.   Some pretty groovy visuals floated into my head and through my body while meditating, by the way. Lit up lotus flowers with babies in them and such…

I made it through 5 and a half days of the master cleanse last year.  I recall that the first 3 days were the hardest.  This one is only 3 days, so basically  I’m just doing the hard part.   As much as part of me wants to burrow into a giant bacon cheeseburger right now and never come out,  I can do this.

My body is a temple.  Officially.


Day 2. Morning.

Did I say this was going smoothly?  Not too crappy?   Yeah well,  bombs went off in my tummy at about 3am this morning.  Felt like my insides were actually on fire.   I was more restless last night in general than I have been recently, including the return of some morbid freaky dreams which had also abated.  I started to get angry at Medicine Man for making me drink weird crap before bedtime.   I started to get pissed that I was paying to feel like that.   I began to think that for the amount of money we gave him,  he should be a good enough acupuncturist alone that I shouldn’t have to wake up with a burning tummy from some mystery juju juice.  I was mad.  The thought crossed my mind that all journeys come with their share of willpower tests,  but when your stomach has turned itself inside out and exploded,  the thought of failing a test is not such a bad thing.

In reality, the past couple weeks since my treatment started have been great.  I have been sleeping like a baby, waking up joyfully,  feeling full of life in general even with all the challenges around me.   All of that was impossible to recall at 3 this morning however.  It’s like when you’re throwing up and you can’t think of when you ever felt any other way than the way you feel when you puke,  and it seems like it will never ever end.   Yeah it was like that, except rather than puking….well,  I’d like to see someone look on the bright side of anything at the moment that burning toxins are being violently expelled from their ass.

The storm passed of course.    I woke up and did some chanting and meditating and deep breathing and sage burning.  New day now.    I’m not at all hungry at the moment, but I do occasionally slip into long involved fantasies about the texture of grass-fed beef.


I was just informed that my skin is starting to smell like the nasty fermented tonic I have to drink.   That information made me cry in the shower for a while.   Note: additional side effects of not eating may include increased sensitivity to insensitivity.


Day 2– Afternoon.

This sucks.  That is all.


Day 3- Evening.

After feeling shitty all day yesterday (literally and figuratively), I bounced out of bed this morning perkier than I have any need to be.   Felt light and giddy and silly.  By afternoon my tummy was in knots again and the energy had wilted away,  but I have definitely been hyper-positive today.   I did my chanting and meditating,  and got massaged while my back was all full of needles.   Everything is brighter, like the day after you do acid.  Colors are sharper,  I’m seeing things I never noticed before like how pretty the weeds are around the driveway.   I spent some time laying naked in the sunlight on the bed imagining I was a garden.   Husband says my eyes are literally sparkling.  Oh, and I can smell EVERYTHING.  I opened the refrigerator this afternoon and got dizzy from the mix of scents.   Husband smells like everything he has had to eat in the past 3 days.   When I stare at him now,  there is the slightest hint of cannibalism behind my loving gaze.

I feel clean.  Not only that, I actually  feel beautiful.  Well, except for when I’m sitting on the crapper doubled over with stomach cramps.  Not so beautiful then.

I just finished off the last of the nasty cleanse tonic,  and in about an hour I may declare this fast officially over with an avocado.  Will be the best avocado anybody has ever eaten.  I’m supposed to only have fruits and greens tomorrow…we’ll see about all that.  I do feel great and all, but I would sell my body for a plate of enchiladas right now.

It’s called a fast, but it goes really really slow.

Three little days.  Not so bad.  Try it.    You’ll hate it, and then you’ll love it.  Then hate it again…then love…like…hate.   Then you ‘ll be delirious and forget what it was you loved and hated.  Then you’ll feel lovely in an all new way and be proud of yourself,  which you will love.


5 Responses to “Holy Crap — the 3 day cleanse”

  1. Great to do a cleanse, I do a 5 day cleanse 2-3 times a year. But it shouldn’t treat your plumbing like Draino, give you an exploding a-hole or taste like “fermented flaming asswater”. I get a little headache the first day (from the toxins leaving the body) and that’s it.

    Be gentle with yourself. Take a look at this and think about it for next time: http://www.youngliving.us/pdfs/5day_nutritive_cleanse.pdf

    • yes i am familiar with normal cleanses, and have done them before myself. this wasn’t a normal cleanse…
      the tonic i was taking was a mix of some herbs and roots from south africa, specifically ‘prescribed’ as a form of natural medication for the whole reason i’m seeing this acupuncturist in the first place.
      wasn’t necessarily part of the cleanse, i just happened to be taking the stuff at the same time. it did the job, just wasn’t very tasty.
      things like this are different for everybody of course. i’m just tellin MY story 😉

  2. It doesn’t read like a cleanse, it read like a prep for a colonoscopy.

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