Godmama Says…
a buncha stuff.

high & dry

I hear that just before a massive tsunami,  waves recede at an alarming rate.  It’s as if the ocean is taking a deep powerful breath inward just before letting loose all it’s might on the land.  When it seems like the water is going away, it’s just gearing up to come back much stronger.   (I used the slingshot metaphor before…being pulled slightly backward before being shot forward.  The slingshot seems too small an analogy now.)

It’s 4am.  The moon is new, so it is unusually dark.  I am wide awake trying to stop wondering why the hell the universe is gloating all around me about all the blessings it has to offer that I can’t get at.   I do know that I am blessed.  I am a habitual blessing counter.   Recently though, I feel sidelined and left out like a kid locked indoors who’s been grounded watching everybody else outside playing.  And now I can’t stop wondering why I’ve been grounded.  I feel taxed, like simple little graces are being yanked away from me just as I need them.  Is this a test?   Because I am sick to death of tests right now.  I can handle it most of the time, I can be faithful and positive and all that shit.  But right now I just want balance.  I deserve it.  I deserve ease and fair distribution of cosmic wealth.  I want to cash in some karma.  I want retribution.   I want the spiritual version of 40 acres and a mule.  I don’t ask for much, Universe… but then maybe that’s the very thing that needs to change.

I am not as grouchy as all this most of the time, but I am entitled at the very least to my right to occasional grouchiness, particularly at 4 am when one of the simple necessities I can’t get at is SLEEP.  I get to fret and whine like a hungry infant just like everybody else does.

Still I am being positive.  As I tossed and turned and searched for rest just now, my sleepy irritated mind kept showing me an image of a tsunami.  Even in my disquieted state, this felt like a positive omen.   Everything is being drawn back right now not as test or punishment,  but because all the gifts and goodness the ocean has to offer are rising up with all their force and preparing to flood my world with a surge of superabundance.

Yeah, that’s it…any day now.  I’ll just be standing by in a wetsuit.


3 Responses to “high & dry”

  1. Sorry things are so out of balance for you right now. Here’s to better things for both of us, and soon. xxoo

  2. Everyone needs tantrums sometimes. That big wave is coming!!

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