Godmama Says…
a buncha stuff.

in the beginning

Had a vision yesterday during my acupuncture treatment.   The earth,  the universe just before the Big Bang,  and an unfertilized egg were all the same thing:   Floating orbs humming with secret life.  Then I saw something like a comet racing toward it… small but mighty, and with a blazing tail.   Contact.  Meteor strike.   Big Bang.  Fertilization.   It was all the same.  And then it occurred to me in my acu-trance that every single living organism on the planet has been mimicking this story of Genesis,  telling and retelling the obvious secret.  The subtle and miraculous moment when different energies clash and crash and create new life.   Everything begins as a single something.   A single cell, a single star… waiting for activation.   Life begins the way the universe began, and the way life on earth began.  All the same.  People are all their own little worlds.   Orbiting each other…sometimes delicately, sometimes not… waiting to be activated.

I have been getting acupuncture twice weekly as fertility treatment, so it’s not shocking that my mind would paint such a picture for me,  but it’s not common either.   After I get stuck full of pins,  I am  left alone in a darkened room for a while, as  relaxing music encourages my mind to drift into healing and light.  I wish I could say all my mental adventures in this state were completely esoteric, but sometimes I just think about random unresolved crap in my head.   Sometimes I think about work,  or something I wish I would have said to whoever annoyed me recently.   Sometimes I think about chores, or things I want.   (My mind is so full of crap that telling it to be quiet sometimes makes it buzz much louder.)    Today I just lay there in the dark crying, wanting to go home and go back to bed.

As of today,  I am back to the drawing board.    I am so goddamn sick of this particular drawing board.   We are very close, I know this for a fact…which really only serves to make it more frustrating when it doesn’t happen…  like how you have to pee with more uncontrollable urgency when you know you’re getting closer to the bathroom.

Ultimately of course the whole journey complete with frustration and waiting will be worth it,  but every artist knows it is a heart wrenching pain in the soul to deal with any kind of creative block.   This literal kind is certainly no different.   Maybe this time at the drawing board I will try actually drawing…

Come home soon Little Star.   Let There Be Light.

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4 Responses to “in the beginning”

  1. It will be a lucky little star indeed who lands in your, um, orbit.

  2. Yes – the luckiest of little stars. I’m so happy for her!

  3. Wow! So beautifully put. Yes and when they come they come hard! lol

    Hang in there and it will manifest.

  4. What a cool story on the ring and cactus. Your words on the big bang are thought provoking. I agree with you. Kind of makes me think of the movie CRASH and how the effects ripple on. Maya I love your writing!


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