Godmama Says…
a buncha stuff.

my body is a wonderland

… as in Alice in Wonderland, where things aren’t quite what you think they should be.

Turns out I have a pretty good sized cyst on one of my ovaries.  That wouldn’t necessarily be a big deal on its own, but last month I had a pretty good sized bicycle accident, and it busted.   If for some reason you are considering getting a ruptured ovarian cyst of your very own, let me dissuade you.  It feels something like having a steak knife driven into one of your balls which you can sometimes forget about… until every once in a while it gets twisted around in there.  Yes,  girls have balls too.  Testicles, of course, are mutated ovaries that have fallen out…so we do in fact know what a kick in the balls feels like.   Or in this case, an invisible steak knife.

Thankfully, it still isn’t a very big deal.  I just have to take it easy and let it “cycle itself out”, employing ibuprofen when necessary.   Add it to the coulda-been-worse files.   It also helped me figure out something else that’s been going on with my trickster insides lately.   Seems that the symptoms of an ovarian cyst are pretty much the same as symptoms of pregnancy.  For those of you who somehow haven’t noticed this about me,  here’s a quick review:   I am in the process of trying and trying and trying and trying to conceive my first child — a bit fretfully as I have had surgery before on that part of my machinery, and I’m not exactly 20 anymore.  Needless to say, a gal in my position can get a little obsessive and hyper-aware of possible pregnancy symptoms and things like that,  so I definitely knew what to be on the lookout for.  Little by little, month after month, it all appeared.  Funny new cramps,  bloating,  hurty boobies,  nausea,  weight gain,  dizziness,  fatigue,  random fevers… all things that generally suck, but you can get inexplicably excited about them when you think it means you’re knocked up.   But no… in some cases it just means you just have a big blister on your girl-nads.

Thanks, body.   You got jokes.  Gross ones.

At least now that I know it’s there I know how to attack it.   I’m not down with the passive “wait it out” approach.   I am dosing it with vinegar.  That’s right.   Apple cider vinegar.  Supposed to be one of those holistic wonder cures.   It’s  nasty as shit, so it must be good for something.   Anyway,  among other things it’s meant to balance your pH, which levels out your hormones, which makes everything all good.   It’s been three days and I can honestly say I notice a marked increase in the amount of energy I have, and I sleep like a rock for the first time in a while, too.

The other day Husband was mowing the lawn and was attacked by yellowjackets.  Some googling taught us that there was probably a hive down under the ground somewhere.  There were instructions on how to neatly mark the area of the hive and try to smother them out overnight using ice and a tarp.   Husband was not interested in this method.   I looked out the window to see him stalking around the backyard with a gas can, angrily pouring gasoline into whatever holes he saw in the offending area.   That’s what I feel like with this ‘vinegar treatment’ sometimes.   It tastes nasty and harsh,  a little like fuel actually,  like I’m pouring gasoline down into the dark recesses of the Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole,  hoping to burn up the mean and nasty bugs.

Tick tick tick.

Drink Me!   Yummmm….

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3 Responses to “my body is a wonderland”

  1. What a big bottle, Maya. I guess it will last for a long time. I sometimes drink apple cider vinegar with honey just a little.

    Keep taking care of your cyst. Did I mention too that apple cider lowered my blood pressure and a friend of mine used it to balance her periods.

    Thanks for your amazing comment on my blog. Also, I like the way you write. I guess we could share our writing sometime in the future…

  2. Well, I didn’t get this gallon jug size. This is just the first good sized image I found to attach~
    The future is now! I’d love to read more of what you’ve written! But I guess that’s what this whole blog-o-deal is about, yes?

  3. I hope your cyst feels better soon. My little sister had a terrible one once. When I had to take my eldest to the ER in horrible pain a little over a year ago, I was actually hoping that was what it was, but it wasn’t – it was what I thought – her appendix.


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