Godmama Says…
a buncha stuff.

harvest moon

Last night a powerful force was agitating me as I tried to relax after an exhausting day at work.   Husband is out of town working so I was alone, and every emotion I was feeling seemed magnified by…something.   I needed to get out.  I burst out the front door and there was the culprit, blasting a spotlight directly at me as I stood there shocked in my doorway:  the excessively bright Harvest Moon.   At its side was its accomplice, Jupiter.   Together they lured me out into the darkness,  tempting me by turning the water on the grass into electric blue and purple jewels for me to investigate.   As I stood there dazed in the Harvest glow,  I felt all sorts of dormant instincts stirring… namely the need to howl.   I needed to run and howl, but social training and learned inhibition stopped me.  Maybe it wouldn’t be so strange, I thought.  Surely everyone else is feeling this?

I needed at the very least to actually harvest something.  Earlier I had scanned my brain for some intellectual representations of seeds that had been sown and come up dry.  Then of course I thought about the other kind of seeding and harvesting that has yet to manifest for me… dry again.   And so finally I just needed to pick some fruit somewhere and have some tangible representation of the new season and abundance and all that.

So I got in the car and rushed off to the supermarket just before they closed to pick out a pumpkin.

I must have looked quite mad.  My eyes were red from the emotional purging that took place when I saw the moon,  I was dressed like I was ready for bed (I thought I was),  my hair was wild,  and I was in the bright florescent light of a supermarket clinging desperately to my emergency pumpkin.    (I wondered later what story the cashier came up with to explain me to herself….)  I was actually surprised that I was the only one in such a strange rush for a symbolic gourd.    And why did no one else look like they had a crucial and deep need to howl and run and hunt like a crazed animal just for the night?  That was as strange to me as I probably was to everyone else.

Tonight that energy is still there.  I had a soul-draining day at work, then found out that Husband can’t come home tonight like he was meant to… so I’m still alone.

Tonight I howled.   A friend of mine up north randomly sent a picture of the full moon over New York City to my cellphone.   Tears unexpectedly warmed my face,  I looked out the window at the big bright night light, and I howled.

Ahhhhhh…… much better now.

Welcome,  Lovely Autumn!


One Response to “harvest moon”

  1. Maya, I saw the radiant moon. I guess it was a good relief for the built-up emotions. I do like the way you express yourself. I’m glad you’re able to express and feel better.

    (My partner was away for the week and I tossed an turned, getting only a few hours sleep at nights.)

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