Godmama Says…
a buncha stuff.

dear M~,

I think I just made a new friend.  An artist/writer who knew of me as Maya-the-Rockstar-to-be asked me a simple question via facebook and caused me to tirade a bit at myself.   It is a question I hear a lot- mostly from myself,  but somehow hearing something from a new person can energize the subject and inspire a fresh perspective.   I figured since it was the most I’ve written in a while, I’d copy and paste my response to her and call it a blog.  Is that cheating?  I don’t care.   It’s only edited slightly so there’s going to be a lot of  irritating punctuation in this one.    Don’t care about that either….

——–

why no music anymore?
hmmm….. it’s kind of a long story that i’m not sure I have a punch line for.    music and i fell apart from each other when my whole life blew up at the end of my existence in NYC (also a long story).    i think there’s major rehab and rebuilding that need to happen.   sometimes i imagine it like the opening credits to the bionic woman:    like when i get my shit together again it’s gonna exponentially bigger and badder and able to bust through walls.   then other times i wonder if maybe it died completely.   it didn’t… but i wonder that way sometimes.
my main *current* reason (read: “excuse”) is that i’m new here in Austin and don’t go out enough (at all) to have found the right musicians to bond and create with.   and i’m not that girl who can do the solo acoustic thing.   it’s a gang thing for me.   needs to be tribal and drum driven and loud.   solo acoustic music generally  bores me, and boring music depresses me.   i don’t wanna.
also… nobody here in austin experienced me as *What I Was* in NYC… so nobody expects it from me.   nobody misses it.   So… in a way nobody knows me.   it’s a weird trip.   I recently asked someone close to me to describe me for me.   he didn’t say anything i recognized….

when i first left nyc i was sick for a while — there was ultimately surgery involved to remove big ugly things from my middle.  i was stuck at my mama’s house in dallas just bleeding and bleeding and being anemic and weak…. Yuck Time.
**and yes, it pisses me off to no end how easily docs STILL suggest full hysterectomies for girls and women when they have problems.
(“what? your period is 29 days instead of 28? GET THAT SHIT OUTTA THERE!! TRASH IT!”)   i was told that i “might have cancer” and should have my entire uterus removed as soon as possible.   yeah? you MIGHT get hit my a car later, so we should have your legs removed to prevent you from crossing the street, ASSHOLE.
Needless to say i found another doctor. and then another one… and then the 4th one got it right.
now that part of me is all better…bionic even…. hence the babyquest.   i’m 38 and i’ve got some scars in my happy place, so i get anxious….

and that quest has taken up a lot of my focus…  it’s personal obviously so it;s not a journey i really get to talk about much or share , but it’s my new all-consuming art project that all my energy and love is aimed at right now.  not very rock&roll perhaps~

i think they could  go together really, trying to be creative again,  while trying to Create in The Big Way.     my band was called Mother Goddess after all… and i always had a fantasy of being onstage with a big ol’ belly painted gold….

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3 Responses to “dear M~,”

  1. Thanks for giving more of yourself. And I’ll think of more to say. Maybe I’ll search for you and join your facebook page too.

  2. i hope you do! look for Maya Glick 😉

  3. I can totally see that big gold belly.


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