When I started this journey about a year and a half ago, I had very little idea what a long, complicated and deeply emotional trip it would be.
Yesterday was our final day of filming. Production of RAIN is officially wrapped and post-production can begin in earnest. I cried and laughed and cried some more and then slept harder last night than I have in a very long time. I’ve been so anxious and excited to get to this point, and now that I’m here I keep thinking: Is it really over?
Sitting here staring at the screen.
My brain is full of thoughts and my heart is absolutely exploding with feelings– but I am at a loss as to how to get them onto this page in a way that might convey just what those feelings are. I gotta try to blog it out though, because I’m having too many emotions all at once and it’s making me loco.
About a 18 months ago I set out on a quest to find the right people to help me bring something very special to life. In finding Zane Rutledge, who brought with him his crew mates Jeff Stolhand and Matt Joyce, I got so much more than what I even knew I was looking for.
The journey that we have been on together, this process of visualization and creation and production has been an exhilarating, scary, stormy, fantastic, awesome ride.
In so many ways, the process for me has been exactly like a pregnancy: creating and waiting… and waiting and waiting. For me that metaphor carries some dark clouds and anxiety with it of course and so this particular journey has been an active struggle with my own PTSD issues.
For one thing this is a creation that has meant more to me than anything else I have ever done, other than That One Thing. All the time that it has taken us to get to this point has given me time to fall deeper and deeper in love with the project and the character. When you put your whole heart into any one thing, it becomes dangerously easy for your heart be broken. All my energy has been wrapped up in this project for the past 17 or 18 months, and as such it has made it hard for me to focus on much else in the meantime.
The very definition of ‘obsession’.
Sometimes I get lost in the character and her story. Deliriously swept away and lost in the Storm.
You see RAIN is, in every way, my baby. The production team I am so lucky to have connected with has taken such loving care of this precious project, and elevated it into something mighty. Post production means there is a lot more work to be done, but at this stage of the creation’s growth, at least I know for sure that ‘my baby’ will be born. Soon.
That deceptively simple truth means more to my soul than anyone can possibly know.
I was going to try to give some lovely note of thanks to my Main Three RainMakers individually here, but I’m still stumped for words and every time I think of how grateful I am to each of them I just melt into tears again. I’ll get there… but for now I’ll just say that I love these guys like family and the gratitude I have for them comes from the deepest brightest places in my crazy stormy heart.
The RAINmakers: Director Jeff Stolhand, Producer Matt Joyce, (me), Director Zane Rutledge
Zane, Jeff, Matt and all the rest of our massively talented cast and crew: I am beyond blessed to have had the honor to work with all of you. I hope that in some small way I have been able to make you as proud as you have made me. I hope that the work I did helps your work to shine, the way that your effort and dedication is making my little passion play into an actual blast of lightning.
And to all of our new friends and supporters who are following along and waiting for the RAIN to drop: I am endlessly grateful to all of you and hope to make you proud, too.
Just wait til you see what we have in store for you.